I hope that I have brought about the end of an era. In our garden,which consists of our entire backyard, we have had a gopher problem for the last couple of years. The damn thing basically eats everything. The latest was the small bamboo, which it nearly decimated. Two days ago I was outside with my daughter as she toddled around, when I noticed the cat suddenly sneaking up on something. I looked toward the direction he was moving and sure enough there was movement under a clump of grass between the stones. Having witnessed this scenario many times before, I knew it had to be the (pocket) gopher. Luckily enough, I had my hedge shears in hand (to trim the grass between the stones). I snuck over toward the moving grass, which had stopped moving at this point, and waited for it to move again. It was a short wait. Thwack! The shears were now embedded in the ground and the cat was very closely watching in anticipation of what might soon appear. I pulled up the earth with the shears and out came a brown furry thing with blood on it.

Now I was very disappointed when there were people dancing in the streets when the planes hit the towers on 9/11. These people clearly have problems if they are rejoicing over innocent people being killed by terrorists. That is just plain sick. But I was almost dancing when I saw that dead gopher. Not two minutes later, however, I had a twinge of remorse mixed with regret. I hate to kill things, but this damn gopher was murdering my garden. We had tried peaceful means before, having inserted one of those buzzers in the ground for close to two years. Then came the gopher poison, which apparently is not at all appetizing, since it would just reappear a week or two later, completely intact. I knew what had to be done by that point. I had to physically murder the animal, it was the only reliable way to bring the reign of terror to an end.

So, I hope the end is truly here. I sincerely hope, for the sake of the animals, that there are no more in our garden. If not, be warned, you little bastards, I am prepared to do what is necessary.